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after my procedure at the hospital today my doctor tried to explain all of the medications he’s putting me on and i was kind of out of it on pain meds and he goes, “and i’m going to be putting you on some serious steroids, do you have any problems with that?” 

and apparently i looked at my mom and whispered, “i’ll never play major league baseball” and started crying





I want a platypus. 

No you don’t they’re venomous.

If they sting you, they won’t kill you. Oh no. Much worse. Their venom will leave you in such intense pain that you may find yourself vomiting for DAYS. There is also no antivenin and not even MORPHINE can dull the pain.

You do not want a platypus.

Nah, I still want it.

This is almost the exact conversation I had with my mom.


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